How does the opposite sex think? This has been an age old question, one that has both haunted and perplexed generations upon generations of both men and women. Even today, people still ponder about just what goes on in the minds of the opposite sex. Are we really so different? Do men really come from Mars, and women from Venus?
As we talk to Enrico Santos De Montebartolomeo and Alexandra Alexandro, your run of the mill male and female students of De La Salle University, we here in The LaSallian have prepared a list of the most thought-provoking questions possible, questions that truly test the limits of critical thinking. Administering these questions to your average male and female Lasallians, we now seek to uncover the truth behind these long-standing veils of stereotypes and generalizations.
TLS: In one statement, how would you describe the opposite sex?
Alexandra: For me, guys should definitely be macho. The type that can, like, bench 150, lift a car, and maybe run a marathon all in one day.
Enrico: Woah, woah. What are we, aliens from Krypton? We can’t do that kind of nonsense! We’re not all muscle-brained you know. And who in God’s green earth can lift a freaking car?
Alexandra: As if. What’s your take on what girls are like then, huh?
Enrico: Angels descended from heaven, or harpies ascending from hell, depending on their erratic moods and dispositions.
TLS: In your opinion, how should the opposite sex behave?
Enrico: Quite honestly, a touch of femininity, a sprinkle of conservative personality, a spoonful of liberal thinking, a pinch of mild humor, and a dash of sexy. On second thought, maybe a whole pack of sexy.
Alexandra: Like I said, I think guys have to be macho. At the same time, though, I think they gotta be gentlemen. The whole, opening doors for women, buying flowers and footing the bill. I think it’s all very, very necessary.
TLS: On a scale of 1 to 10, how annoying is it when people leave the toilet seat up (or down)?
Enrico: Well, maybe a 6 or a 7. I mean, when you’re in a hurry and you need to take a leak, it’s kind of hard to aim your John at a smaller area, and often times you clean up after yourself. The most annoying part of it though is when the toilet seat suddenly falls while you’re doing your business. The mess! Oh the putrid mess! I still wonder though why women make a big deal out of it when we’ve got it worse.
Alexandra: 10. Is this even a question? There is nothing worse than falling into a toilet. Nothing. Especially if the toilet is a public one. I don’t even want to imagine the amount of germs. Boys have it a lot easier obviously. They’re not the ones sitting down and falling to their doom!
Enrico: How about the lingering threat of a toilet seat falling down as you pee? Whenever that happens, we get stuff all over our shoes and pants! Heck, we have to stop midway while that happens, and that is not a fairly clean affair. And besides, don’t you look where you park your toosh?
Alexandra: No comment. Next question please.
TLS: To be the opposite sex, what should one wear?
Alexandra: Men should always look polished. I think dressing like a GQ model is not as hard as it looks. A crisp polo shirt tucked into folded up chino shorts paired with Sebago loafers always looks classy. The higher the folds, the better. Oh and having slicked back hair with a popped collar are a bonus. Denim shirts are good too, depending on the shade. I don’t understand why some guys just want to wear slouchy t-shirts and baggy pants and expect us girls to fawn all over them. For some people, the GQ look screams arrogant, but to me, I think it reeks of confidence.
Enrico: Chino Shorts? Popped collar? Denim shirts? You serious? Nothing gets douchier than all three combined. Not all of us want to look like douches, mind you. As for women, well, tight on the body, or short on the legs. Short skirts preferably, but not promiscuous short. When they’ve got it, they should flaunt it. Nothing seems more divine on a woman than clothing accentuating their ravishing beauty.
Alexandra: Tight on the body, short on the legs? What are we, hotdogs wrapped in a bun? The only girls that want to look like what you just described are probably begging for attention. And not the good kind. For you to like that sort of thing, well I think you should be a little ashamed.
Enrico: Well, umm, well it is my err….. Can we move on a bit?
TLS: Who are the better drivers, men or women?
Enrico: Is that even a fair question? Of course it’s us! How do you think the notion first existed that when people drive badly, they’re automatically female drivers? There’s gotta be an empirical proof to that statement.
Alexandra: No way, I am so sure that women are the better drivers. The only reason women look bad when it comes to driving is because all the male drivers out there always wanna be ahead. Is it our fault we want to drive safe?
Enrico: There is a difference between driving safe, and clogging up the highways with turtle slow driving. There are studies to prove that you guys are worse drivers than us. You can Google it. You guys can’t deny the truthanymore!
Alexandra: Whatever. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.
TLS: Last question, would you ever consider going out with the person next to you?
Enrico: Why not?
Alexandra: Seriously? No. Never. Ew.