College, as they say, is one of the best times of your life. Some of the most valuable lessons that will stay with you forever are learned during your awkward adult-ing years. Sure, tangents and variables might prove useless in time, but at least you find answers to your e-Xes and wh-Ys. Other relevant skill sets include being able to sustain yourself with Spam and instant coffee for two weeks, and clutch-cramming a 10-page paper with just a fourth of your sanity still intact.
Before you reach university nirvana, though, you will face terror professors, and the ever-constant group work. Depending on the luck of the draw, this can either be a sweet hallelujah for both your grades and newfound friendship, or a straight-up sentence to hell. Pray to the higher powers that they grant you patience, because if you asked for strength, you might just use it to maul a groupmate to the ground.
Lucky for us Lasallians, the future is now. The nearly 15,000-member-strong group, “DLSU Profs to Pick” continues to be a godsend to students of the University—for those of us who refuse to evolve, it’s like Tinder for students and professors (well, if you avoid all the would-be models and USG announcements, that is). What the online group does is let students ask fellow students for tips on how to deal with certain professors. Whether you’re looking for a teacher who gives out easy 4.0’s like Slacker Santa on Christmas morning, or a mentor who will challenge you to the brink of robotic exhaustion, your perfect match awaits.
Following its widely acclaimed success comes “Groupmates to Pick”—and it’s exactly what you think it is. No need to sell yourselves to the devil at the expense of all-nighters, dubious amounts of caffeine, and just a fourth of your sanity and mental abilities, all for the melodious sound of a “1.0”. Similar to the pioneer group’s concept, students may also inquire about a classmate and their character as a groupmate. If there is an opening for another spot in a group project, this is the place to go as well, making the community a market for people—in only the most ethical of senses, of course. We’ve scoped the online group, and found some of the groupmates on the market.
The Control Freak. This groupmate makes a science out of choosing the perfect font for your presentation, and making sure all lines are spaced evenly. While not always the most pleasant of characters (expect 3 AM phone calls to check on your status), you can count on her to get things done. A must pick if you want a high grade, but avoid if you don’t want to sift through 50 notifications every night.
The ghost. This groupmate disappears faster than an ex-boyfriend. Absent for every single meeting with the most dubious of excuses as his armor, he manages to magically return at the moment of presentation, resurfacing like the one that got away. Avoid!
The Comedian. Your much-needed breather after hours of non-stop work. Leave it to him to provide comic relief. Unfortunately, that’s about the only thing in his skill set.
The Phone Addict. Her face is an urban legend, masked only by the back of her mobile device, which the entire group is made to converse with. You won’t need background music when her phone beeps for a notification every two minutes.
The Perpetually Tired. Talents include: Letting people know how few hours of sleep he got last night because of his numerous other commitments, and using said workload as a justification for not accepting so much work. Don’t even try to meet up with him lest you overlap with any of his seven supposed meetings planned throughout the day.
The Lost. His go-to catchphrase is, “Huh, I don’t get it.” Spend half an hour trying to explain the project’s concept and execution? “Di ko parin gets, eh.”
The Chill Bill. Perfectly content with the lowest possible passing grade, he is in a constant state of placidity, even when everyone else around him is palpitating from excess coffee and lack of sleep. Avoid if you’re The Control Freak—you’ll go insane.
The Hog. This groupmate will call dibs on almost every part of the project, and move on to complain about how no one else puts in work. Subtle tweets that complain about lousy groupmates who may or may not be you are a constant possibility.
The Bearer of Gifts. You will never have to go hungry when you have a group member who is always prepared with snacks for everyone. If you die, at least it will be from exhaustion and not starvation, so there’s that to help you sleep better at night.
The Printer. Skills include: Owning a printer. That’s literally it.
The page is still in its baby stages, but the group is gaining new members in droves. Stuck in a section without any friends, and forced to join a group? Take careful note of your groupmates’ surnames, and fire up “Groupmates to Pick”! Posts about PDA and PDPI aside, you won’t be sorry.