Remember when you actually needed talent and skill to earn a measly fifteen minutes of fame? Let’s not forget good old “hard work” either, if you ever wanted to go a little overtime. Thanks to social media, all you need is decent internet connection and a bit of luck (knowledge on analytics and basic marketing works too. 10 pm is Instagram primetime. Ur welcome.)
This isn’t to say that people who were discovered in the back alleys of YouTube and dark crevices of Soundcloud are lazy and untalented, but the internet age in which they were fortunately born into helped catapult them to “online celebrity” status. It’s far less difficult than going out into the world and promoting yourself offline. Yes, there was such a thing! So if you, too, would like to claim your turn at the Internet Cool Kids table, look no further, for we have tips for you. Or you know, you could just brand yourself a self-proclaimed “Influencer” and call it a day. No shade, no tea, no blue lemonade.
Make a scene and have someone catch it on camera
We’ve all seen it on our news feeds: someone does something rude, unusual, or just plain odd, and bam—this person moves on to grace all of our streams for days. Whether or not the infamy is deserved is subjective, but one thing remains certain: There is never without a camera in close proximity. So run across EDSA butt naked, freestyle along Pasig River, or drive into a flood and complain you “weren’t informed” of the less-than-evident downpour. Instant fame.
Say something offensive or politically incorrect
We’re all for responsible freedom of speech here, but making jokes on the internet is like walking a minefield. You never know who you’re going to offend and send into an explosive state of retaliation next! Like pineapples on pizza? Best not to Tweet it, lest you get mauled by an online mob armed with pitchforks of retweets and followers by the thousands. Or worse, get turned into a meme. (Sidenote: clearly not enough people have seen Black Mirror’s “Hated In The Nation”. It’s streaming on Netflix, people!)
Cash yourself outside, how bow dah?
Let’s be real here, no one actually has the slightest idea what that means. But this rhetoric has proved a surefire way to the social media hall of fame. Face it! This era of techy thingamajig and wifi tango has definitely emerged into a whole new level, even in language. So let’s all bid our goodbyes to the corpus of typical English (or whatever language you speak), and cross breed our mother tongues with the supercalifragilisticexpialidociously out of this universe lingo. Or maybe just be your plain moronic self by weirding out all those barnacles out there with senseless phrases. How bow dah?
Make-up tutorial 101: Stupidity on fleek
Last but most certainly and assuredly not the least, let us not forget every girls’ conspicuously adamant form of ritual and admittedly a ticket for convenience: make-up tutorials. While there are hundreds, even thousands maybe, of typical make-up tutorials popping up online, flashing the newest brands of blush, there are those who break the standards of the everyday contouring guide. How about take a ride on the Skyranch Tagaytay’s Droptower while teaching people how to neatly brush your brows or applying that Nichido foundation while in a jeep or tricycle?
And believe it, these girls have garnered a much higher ranking in the world of the typical How To Do A Smokey Eye. Now let’s get that Kylie lip kit and audaciously ramp that killer pout on a zipline, shall we?
With the magnificent and downright amaze-balls opportunity brought to you by the powerful vessel that is social media, no one is indeed far off from reaching the pinnacle of success and finally inhale their own air of fame. Dressing up in the right sassy wit, groove, and infamously superstar-like persona, you suddenly wake up from a world where your picture was merely on your family’s wall of portraits into a world where your face is plastered on everyone’s news feed. It all takes a matter of boldness and confidence, of senselessness and, of course, utter stupidity. So let’s get the camera rolling and capture that innate star to be born.