Menagerie U Break returns: Friday is free
Menagerie U Break returns: Friday is free
U Break returns: Friday is free
Tags: ,
March 31, 2018
Tags: ,
March 31, 2018

The University has heard your concerns. It has seen you bleed sweat, cry blood, and inhale tears as you battle the Friday traffic. Last term, students organized a petition to revert the U Break back to Fridays. But the petition failed as the administration pushed through with its hasty plan. The students called for reform; to go back to the old ways and preserve a Lasallian way of life. Finally, after millions spent on a giant LED billboard complete with surround sound along Katipunan, the University has answered our cries. Songs of praise could be heard outside the deliberation room as the ruling was made final: U Break was to be moved back to Fridays. One student who wished to remain unnamed fainted from joy and dehydration. She has been camping out by the door as to present a clear and pitiful look of the effects the U Break shift has done to her. The former U Break schedule will be formally reinstated next term.

 

002 Ubreak moved back to fri - Marion Tan and Mariel Luis


USG makes a statement
Toby Ferrero (IV, FCC) of the Office of the Good Cats released a statement last night. “The USG is proud to announce to the Lasallian community this momentous occasion,” he said. “For the first time ever, the University has admitted that it made a mistake and is taking steps to rectify it. Here is a sashay forward for the entire community as we strive to be better for each other, to listen to each other when we make mistakes, and to work towards our future together.” The statement then went on to enumerate the recent findings that caused this historical appeal.

Robert Roledo from the Office of the Butter Cookies apologetically retracted his initial statement of the current U Break. Admitting tearfully that there were unforeseen ramifications caused by the decision. The administration realized that the fleet of flying cars provided for students’ use weren’t nearly enough to shoulder the increased traffic along Taft. For an astronomical fee of P100 round trip from their house to school, many students were unable to avail of the service. Those who were able to take this service complained of the increasing air traffic. Sky Tagulan (I, AMB) says that because of the heavy air traffic, her travel time wasn’t that much different from taking a jeep down below. The only perk of the Sky Jeep service was the fresher air because of the lack of smog. The Sky Jeep project also caused a huge obstacle as the vehicles blocked the sunlight, obscuring the road below. Imagine the longest conga line in the world but made up of flying cars. Although there will always be that one car that will fly out of range and narrowly miss a sky lamp, those who drive on land complain of disorientation caused by their confusion on whether the sun suddenly got eaten by a giant snake while they were cussing the driver who cut them off.

Another solution the University provided to mitigate the grumbling students was a huge DLSU discount for the underground subway constructed by Uber and Grab. Called “GrUber”, the trains had students flocking towards the service for another means of getting home. Even though the GrUber trains only have two stops (Quirino to Vito Cruz), the commute is five heavenly minutes that carry students away from the pain of enduring the pollution-littered streets of the Taft and the sun blocking flying cars. But there have been many complaints by those who used the Uber app to book a train, saying that the trains kept arriving late even if the GPS showed that they were near. Those who used the Grab app complained of drivers cancelling their booking because they were “too far,” and accepting the bookings again during price surges.

 

Revisiting old enemies
One of the reasons why the University break was moved to Monday was because of the rising occurrence of Thursday night drinking, otherwise known to Lasallians as Happy T. Lasallians know this very well–a cold beer in Barn surrounded by friends after their class is usually a time spent unwinding. Ever since Thursdays were dethroned as the optimal time to celebrate, Lasallians decided that they shouldn’t be limited by dates, after all they’re just labels. Now Lasallians choose to celebrate Happy M, Happy Tue, Happy W, Happy F, Happy SS, and Happy Everyday. Lasallians migrated to new bars that have adapted to this new culture, leaving Sherwood, Barn, Beach, and the rest deserted for outsiders who want to feel like Lasallians but aren’t really.

Interestingly enough after the U Break shift, it started raining heavily from Monday to Thursday to the point it was near to impossible not to cancel classes. With recent events, it was clear that mother nature doesn’t care what day of the week it is; if she wanted it to rain,  it will rain and classes will be cancelled, U Break or no U Break.

Patalina Butter (V, BBB) gave her insights regarding the current U Break plan, “We have flying cars now that would take us anywhere we want for P100 which sounds like a scam, but it really isn’t. We have trains, I guess, that take us to a station that’s literally a five-minute walk. I haven’t been to class for a month because of suspensions. And I’ve been to all bars thrice this week. This is great!” She says with a cheeky smile.

Obviously, the change in U Break has turned out better than what most Lasallians expected. The University is in utter shock at the results of the change, while Lasallians silently cheer at what the change brought–more time in bars with friends and a cold beer in one hand, and their phone on the other hand to see GrUber’s arrival time. But Lasallians are also rejoicing for their former friend’s return. As great as all these developments are, Friday traffic still sucks.