Vanguard Scientists introduce data bigger than Big Data
Vanguard Scientists introduce data bigger than Big Data
Scientists introduce data bigger than Big Data
April 1, 2020
April 1, 2020

As the world marches onward from the Age of Information to the Fourth Industrial Revolution, larger and more diverse datasets travel through cyberspace at the speed of Lightning McQueen. A sizable portion of peoples’ lives is dictated by data, depicted in how corporations collect and interpret user information to service their customers. From Google searches to Twitter tweets to YouTube videos, everything we click and type are bits of data that multinational conglomerates can exploit for profit—essentially recognizing users as monetizable entities whose data may be sold to third parties in their bid to increase revenues.

With the world grappling with how to process increasing amounts of information, experts in the field of Big Data lead the charge as they pour hours into deciphering what the next steps are  to amass and utilize the increasingly large volume of data being generated across the planet. The discipline has had a great impact on arguably all industries in the modern world.

In what seems to be a momentous breakthrough in the field of Big Data, the globally-recognized student organization Data Scientists’ Society (DATASS) presented a series of lectures in a conference titled Big Data 2: Electric Boogaloo. In this landmark event, scientists unveiled a new concept called BIGGER DATA. With this newfound discovery, researchers and industry leaders alike expressed their delight on the new evolution of Big Data and the discipline’s future applications, opening new avenues for capitalists to make more money and oppress the working class.

An evolving concept

Big Data is a term used to describe data sets that are too large for traditional data processing software to capture, handle, and process. The main characteristics of Big Data are the three V’s, namely variety—the diverse types of data such as text, video, and audio; velocity—the speed at which data is processed and generated; and volume—the size of the data. 

With the dawn of BIGGER DATA, however, even the fastest supercomputers are starting to struggle. According to DATASS Chairman Ma. Laki, BIGGER DATA is a concept that is very similar to Big Data. But the difference lies in the size of the data sets that BIGGER DATA is able to process and quantify. The monumental rise of social media has consequently brought forth an abundance of different types of data in the form of photos, videos, personal information, or logs between you and your crush. 

“Data sets nowadays are just bigger,” cites Laki, commenting on the perpetually increasing size of data sets which demand enhanced processing speeds on computers. “This conundrum might eventually lead to a new age of supercomputers that can finally take over the world,” she furthers.

With the advent of more advanced surveillance techniques that companies learned from the National Security Agency and the Central Intelligence Agency, companies can finally track people’s meme preferences and tweets that lack humor.

Big Tech gets bigger 

Big Tech companies such as Google, Facebook, and Amazon are thoroughly overjoyed by the breakthrough of BIGGER DATA and DATASS. As research on the former continues, new technologies and methods can be developed in order to greatly enhance business practices and further violate privacy rights.

Mark Zuckerberg, Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Facebook, expresses his delight regarding BIGGER DATA in an interview with The LuhSallian. “With the dawn of BIGGER DATA, Facebook can handle larger amounts of data in its servers with greater efficiency,” the CEO states. When asked about the potential applications of BIGGER DATA on his social media platform, Zuckerberg shares with a smile that “it certainly will be easier to steal people’s personal data”.

Similarly, Jeff Bezos, CEO and President of Amazon, also echoes his praises for the achievement. “I commend the scientists of DATASS for their breakthrough especially since we are approaching a new era of information. The evolution of how we handle data will surely enable the industry to leap toward greater heights.” 

Furthermore, Bezos notes that this leap will help him raise his USD 123.9-billion net worth to reach the USD 200-billion mark. He also shares his plans to personally fund research on BIGGER DATA in order to finally topple Amazon’s greatest rivals: Lazada, Shopee, and the DLSU Community Forum.

Another company, Netflix, also congratulates the organization and will soon integrate the principles of BIGGER DATA into its algorithms in order to make people watch new content, according to a company statement. However, some experts are skeptical whether BIGGER DATA can ever stop people from ever rewatching The Office instead of other shows and movies on the streaming platform.

The next leeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…ap

The shadows of BIGGER DATA will soon loom over the global economy as various companies and industries race to adapt new practices. It is still unclear if BIGGER DATA will have a bigger impact than Big Data or if it is all simply hype. Regardless, Laki is optimistic, “I really, really think BIGGER DATA will have a big influence in our society—I mean, bigger is better right?”

As of writing, researchers continue to log in sleepless nights to find better ways to handle ever-increasing amounts of data. Some have already theorized future iterations of a new technological evolution that could surpass BIGGER DATA such as Jumbo Data, Venti Data, and Thicc Data. However, Laki speculates that future research might lead to BIGGER DATA evolving into its final form which he aptly calls “SUPER SAIYAN BIGGEST DATA ULTRA INSTINCT”, which might kickoff another Industrial Revolution altogether.