University Into the halls of paw-er: DLSU campus cats now in charge
University Into the halls of paw-er: DLSU campus cats now in charge
Into the halls of paw-er: DLSU campus cats now in charge

Fluffy, affectionate, and easygoing are the most common words that young adults use to describe cats, according to a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations’ Woofer Sentinel (SWSWS). It is not hard for DLSU students to agree.

Like their ancestors who were treated as gods, the furry overlords of Taft Ave. had once received adulation from their adoring subjects. But the sudden exodus of human attendants meant that cats had to take campus matters into their own hands, forming what is now known as the Campus Cat Government (CCG).

For the first time in DLSU history, The LaSallian squats down uncomfortably with DLSU’s beloved animals and their rehomed furriends. With the help of state-of-the-art FeliRosetta translator technology, cool cats Chocnut, Romeow, Peri, Marshmallow, Pumpkin, Truder, Ashtwin, Levy, Milky, and Moby share their extraordinary plans for an extraordinary year.

It is already more than a year since cats have taken control of the campus. How has cat campus life changed since then?

Chocnut: “Meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. [Meow] meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow.”

(Since the extended leave of the humans, there has been a huge power vacuum. To prevent this place from falling into anarchy, the feline populace of DLSU formed the very first CCG with its own cat-stitution last year, the most important document in cat history. Our first cat election will be held sometime in November.)

How did this entire plan come to fruition?

Marshmallow: “Meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow. Purr purr purr purr. Purr. Purr. Purr. meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow [meow meow] meow meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. [Purr]. meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.”

(When we were planning this, we thought of doing a government like the human one, but we thought that it was too dysfunctional. So we decided on one purrfect for us. We have the judiciary Supreme Cawwrt, the legislative Catmara, and the executive body Pangcat. So far, we already set up impawrtant executive depawrtments like the Department of Food, the Department of Sleep, and the Department of Zoomies. Other departments that are being considered are the Department of Boxes and the Department of Catnips.)

Some people claim that cats are less affectionate than dogs. How will the CCG respond to this?

Moby: “Meow meow meow…meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. [Purr purr] purr purr. Chirp chirp meow meow meow meow meow…meow meow meow meow meow meow. Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp meow meow meow meow.”

(This is a common criticism actually, and we want them to know that they are sorely mistaken. Cats are just as loving and caring as dogs. For example, we try to distract humans from playing too long with their bright boxes. My, they also love making loud tapping ruckus with their fingers with the bright box. My furriends say that a scary clown will get the humans if they watch too much of the bright light, so I walk in front of the bright lights or nudge their legs so they know I’m here. We just prefer to silently creep on them and sit on their bright boxes rather than annoying my owner unlike that other furry “friend”.)

Are the campus cats planning to reach out to other cats outside DLSU?

Romeow: “Meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. meow meow…Chirp chirp meow meow meow meow meow meow. Purr purr meow [meow meow] meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow…meow meow. Meow meow…Meow meow…chirp.”

(Yes. That is why we are also putting up the Department of Furreign Affairs to connect with awwllies and pawwrtners across the globe. We plan our first outreaches to be with Aoshima in Japan, or better known as Cat Island, with Neko Shujin, the Japanese Cat Master. We also want to learn more from important cat leaders like Larry Stylinson, Britain’s Chief Mouser, and James Horan, the Irish Prime Salmon Catcher.)

What are the other big developments that the cat government is planning this year?

Pumpkin: “Meow, meow meow meow meow [meow meow]. Meow meow meow meow meow. [Purr purr] meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. [Purr purr] meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meeeeeooooowwww meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow puurrrr meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow [hiss hiss hiss] meow meow meow! Meow! Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…. Meow. uwu

(Alongside the big construction that is being finished up at Gokongwei Hall, we have plans of our own. We are glad to announce that there will soon be cat cafés in each building of the DLSU campus. Once students are back here, they will have space to relax with their furriends in between their classes. The Learning Commons will also be opened to cat learners by the end of this year. 

Rest assured, my fellow furriends will not hiss or scratch the students, unless provoked or they say they preferred dogs over cats. There is a strict “No Dog Talk” policy in the premises, especially within a five-meter radius from a cat. Those are also part of the Rules and Regawwlations that the CCG will put in place along with other plans.)

Will cats ever have jurisdiction over humans?

Peri: “Meow meow meow meow ‘Meow Meow’. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.”

(We heard a lot of rumors like this and the Supreme Cawwrt, Catmara, and Pangcat are firm in saying no, there is nothing to worry about when cats finally take over the human world. We shall be firm but merciful. Anyone who lays a claw on the humans will be prose-cat-ted accordingly.)

How does the CCG plan to address the shortage of forever homes?

Ashtwin: “Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow. [Meow] meow meow meow meow meow ‘meow meow meow’. Purr meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meooow nyan meow meow meow meow meow purr purr rawr.

(We don’t know yet if there’s a shortage of furrever homes, but we believe that we must put more effort in preaching the message of “Adopt, Don’t Shop”. There are a lot of animals out there who never felt the warmth of a home. That shy stray roaming near your place might have loved people before but was let down. I still believe there are people willing to offer a space in their homes and in their hearts.)

There are many kind-hearted humans who want to help but don’t have a space at home to offer. What can they do?

Levy: “Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Chirp. Purr meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Chirp…meow meow…meow meow meow [meow] meow meow meow meow meow.”

(They can donate either cash or supplies to animal advocacies. Many could really use money for stuff like treatments, vaccinations, and Trap-Neuter-Return programs which would really help poor kittens from being born out in the street. Kind humans can also help foster rescues, giving them a temporary home while we find them a furrever home.)

Recently, reports surfaced that some DLSU cats were members of a cult. Can you give comments on these?

Truder: “Meow meow meow…[meow meow] meow meow meeow meoooow. Meow purr purr purr. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow [purr]. Meow meow meow meoe meow purr purr purr meow meow meow.

(There is an ongoing investigation on this. Please refer your questions to our legal cat-sultant, Atty. Pau Sanggala. Please refrain from asking other felines this question while the investigation is ongoing. We also deny a top secret pawject that plans to give cats opposable paws and would create a big scratch within our community.)

As we wait for the campus to reopen, does the cat community have a message for humans at home?

Peri: “Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow purr purr purr purr purr purr purr meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Chatter chatter meow meow meow meow meow.”

(With the stuff going on outside I hope our humans are still safe. I hope that when they could finally go back, they would treasure each moment and stay here for as long as they like.

I hope they could spend some more time with us. I miss them badly. I need my cuddles.)