Barking up the right tree with ‘DLSU ASO’

Following the birth of the much awaited dog organization DLSU ASO, the cats of DLSU PUSA take a stand.

Just as the University has stood as a home for thousands of students over the years, so too has it become a heartwarming abode for its beloved cats. Practically everyone has a story to tell about these treasured felines—may it be how nonchalantly they cozy up to students outside Velasco Hall, how they curiously make their way into classrooms, or how they lazily sunbathe on the grass.

Though their presence has certainly filled a hole in the hearts of cat lovers, dog aficionados have long clamored for a canine counterpart to DLSU Professors for the Upliftment of Society’s Animals (PUSA). After years of lobbying, it is only now that their wish has been granted. This April, DLSU finally unveiled the highly-anticipated DLSU Animal Science Organization (ASO).

From paradise to purrgatory

Eyes wide, mouth agape, and tongue lolling, puppy Hany is one of the lucky dogs that will now settle into their new residence at DLSU. Unable to contain her excitement, she runs around in circles, chasing her tail as she barks about her high hopes for the coexisting dog-cat habitat. “I hope the dogs and the cats will all get along,” she cheerfully declares through the translation device on her collar. “I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would be happy.”

The cats, however, can’t hide their lack of enthusiasm for their new neighbors. “She doesn’t even go here!” hisses Chocnut, one of DLSU’s beloved cats. With daggers for eyes, she irritatedly reports on how doggo Luke Skywalker would show off by running after a ball and then returning it. “What’s he all giddy for? Stop trying to make fetch happen,” she snarls.

Other cats soon began voicing discontent with the dogs’ silly personalities, particularly canine Suncookie’s bizarre levels of adrenaline. Learned cat professor Mooncake provides her expertise regarding the situation. “Biologically, dogs aren’t as posh or sophisticated as cats,” she imparts, recalling her lectures from Introduction to Cathropology (CATHRO1). “One might even say that they can’t sit with us,” she adds, snout snootily turned up.

Brimming with frustration, the cats reached out to Senapurr feline Hans Solo for a solution to the issue. However, Solo was unwilling to part with his UniKitties platform and felt uncertain of his next steps. “You know, I cannot… I meant… Well, I-I-I, uh, well,” he spits out in between confused meows. With no recourse in sight, the cats have decided to take matters into their own hands by creating conditions ripe for animal sabotage.

Reigning cats and dogs

Headed by the brave and spunky Chocnut, a cunning week-long revolution to get the dogs kicked out of the University’s Manila campus was devised. Such plans were initially kept under wraps for a few weeks, but ultimately, the cats decided to call for a press release to create the necessary uproar needed for such an event. This sudden revelation then led the University Student Government (USG) to release a survey that garnered results showing how the DLSU community had mixed feelings about the revolution.

“The revolution is ridiculous. Why can’t the cats and dogs just make peace?” one anonymous comment wrote. Half of the inbox shared similar insights, but there were those who were all for the revolution. “It should happen. Cats should reign supreme!” one tipped in.

The cats heard of the poll results and were infuriated, hissing, “Do you hear the people sing? We are angry and we cats refuse to be second best or turned into slaves by the dogs,” Felix, the so-called brains of the revolution, shares with The LuhSallian. He later elaborates that the revolution is the best way to settle the differences between canines and felines, as “Dogs are simple-minded, barking creatures who don’t understand the intricacies of meows.” A feeble intrusion of human intervention through the USG surveys was met with angry yowls and hisses from the cats, as Felix says somberly, “No. Let the cats handle this.”

The week-long revolution was not bloody, but it was brutal. Dog food was trashed, their houses scratched up, and the blossoming human and dog friendships were abruptly disrupted. This left the dogs no choice but to fight back, although with some hesitation and regret, as Arrow—the reluctant head of ASO’s side of the revolution—whimpers sadly, “We just wanted to have fun and receive pets…we don’t understand why this is happening.”

Acceptance comes with a treat

After a hundred stolen meals eaten in spite, Chocnut and Hany were both spotted with bloated bellies, lying on their backs, exhausted and defeated. “I’m beginning to think this was not worth it,” the leader of the cat revolution mews quietly. On his other side, Hany, with a pawful of cat food says, “The cats did not need to go arf like that.” They had shared a bag of peanuts to appease themselves, and to the surprise of both species and humans alike, Chocnut and Hany bonded over their love for peanuts and agreed that the nutty treat is their guilty pleasure. “You know what else is a treat? Peace for our organizations!” Hany yaps excitedly, repeating the joke shared between the two leaders to anyone who would pass by. Hence, the DLSU PUSA and DLSU ASO Peace Treaty commenced. 

The official conference for the treaty was surprisingly popular, with many cats and dogs in attendance. The room was filled with the sounds of the DLSU ASO members’ wagging tails and the DLSU PUSA members purring in anticipation. It ended with the memory of the easy and friendly rapport between Chocnut and Hany engraved in the minds of the organization members when they delivered the conference, paw in paw. However, some cats and dogs were still apprehensive about the treaty even after the conference. “May nararamdaman akong kakaiba,” Solo comments in the clearest sentence he has ever uttered. It is revealed later on that the dogs had misunderstood the word treaty to mean “treats,” much to the consternation of the DLSU PUSA organizers. 

(I’m feeling something strange.)

Despite the mixed response, the treaty was officially approved by the University. “I believe that this will be a good start for DLSU ASO. The members have reached an agreement and it definitely has nothing to do with the free treats served,” Hany shares. Chocnut also imparts that the DLSU PUSA has agreed to the existence of the new organization. “Cats are loving creatures who readily accept dogs. We are confidently beautiful with a meowrt,” she says calmly. On this note, the two organizations live in harmony—for now.