Marcos to go on ‘Efas Tour’ in hopes of finding place for future exile

Missed out on Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour? Well, we’re in luck as our very own darling president launches his own Efas Tour.

With the criticisms he and his family receive daily, especially on his frequent international state visits, President Ferdinand Marcos Jr., known more by his fans as TS (Tara Singhot), responds to his loyal bashers by announcing his plans to go around the world for his Efas Tour in a press conference last March 19. 

“I…need to be…safe. My family needs…to be safe. Kaya…I decided to launch my very own version of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour to help me find the perfect destination for my next getaway,” Marcos Jr. says.

Entering his Reputation era, Tara Singhot will ride his Getaway Chopper around the globe for The Efas Tour.

Don’t blame me

According to Marcos Jr., his Efas Tour will kick off as soon as he gets his hand on the list of the “top 10 countries to run for refuge after doing drugs and money laundering” he requested from ChatGPT. “Well, what can I say? I’m in my reputation era. My drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life,” Marcos states.

It has also been confirmed that his opening act throughout the Asian leg of his tour would be soloist OTIN G, who will sing some of her songs Oo Kasalanan Ko, Catch Me I’m Fleeing, and her most popular song Pantrapo Ko

“Of course, I am honored to be his opening act. Actually, I’m also considering na ilagay sa setlist ko ‘yung Roar, kaso baka ma-copyright tayo niyan. Sabihin nila, nakaw na naman,” she explains.

(I’m also considering putting Roar on the setlist, but I might violate copyright laws. They would say that we stole again.)

The LuhSallian also received an insider scoop on possible songs he will sing in selected local stops. These include Out Of The Woods in Biringan City, Clean (Taylor’s Version) in New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa, and Enchanted in Enchanted Kingdom—where he will belt the lyrics, “there I was again tonight, forcing laughter, ngiwing smiles.” 

Carbon emissions for a cause

Marcos Jr. has been called out for his excessive carbon emissions prior to the worldwide tour announcement. He has been found using his getaway chopper to go to the Coldplay concert at the Philippine Arena and to island hop whenever the Filipino people come for him during calamities and disasters. Worse, he recently purchased a United States Air Force plane, which he said is a throwback to their Hawaii trip.

An investigation by Sonset Media Network shows Marcos Jr.’s total flight emissions in 2023 to be over 61 million tons, which was supposed to put him atop the carbon footprint list until a Don’t Disclose Stuff (DDS) server attack “surprisingly rigged his numbers out of the list.” 

On February 18, Roberto Bardagulan, a computer programmer known for tracking the private jet usage of influential figures, exposed on X, formerly known as Twitter, Marcos’ off-the-record whereabouts. Bardalugan revealed that Marcos frequently visited cities around Maurihuana, Cokraine, and Trinidad and Tobacco—all of which are a part of the Efas Tour’s international venues. 

Critics demanded a statement on lessening the negative environmental impact of the tour, Marcos Jr. simply chuckled in the press conference and said, “we play dumb, but we know exactly what we’re doin’,” while rushing to other talking points. 

A ‘touching’ tribute 

Marcos Jr. managed to stutter out during the same press conference that the tour will also be a tribute to his family and loved ones. He reveals that he will dedicate Snow On The Beach, Begin Again, Gold Rush, and Exile to his parents, Welcome to New York to his wife, Liza Araneta-Marcos, and False God to his “embattled friend,” Apollo Quiboloy.

“The tires were black, the lines were white, in shades of gray and candlelight,” he tells as he Freudian slips to Araneta-Marcos and reminisces of writing songs on their New York romance.

Marcos Jr.’s mother, Imelda Marcos, tearfully shares how her heart throbbed when her son shared the plans for the upcoming tour. “I am touched that my son decided to do a tribute! As I’m getting ill—just the way I like to get our wealth—I really needed this boost of serotonin…and nicotine,” the president’s mother narrates.

Even some critics were touched by Marcos’ sudden move to give back to his family. Sara*, who agreed to be interviewed on the condition of anonymity, expressed that this was her first time supporting a president for having so much dedication.

“Finally. Marcos did something right. I support him in leaving the country and never coming back,” she exclaims.

With this tour, Marcos Jr. hopes that his detractors can now keep their mouths shut, the same thing his father wanted before. “Can’t we all just have fun and have high spirits,” he asked. “I mean, isn’t that what life is all about?”

*Names with asterisks (*) are pseudonyms

This article was published in The LaSallian‘s Spoof 2024 issue. To read more, visit