Before likes and other reactions were introduced on Facebook, a most distinguished art form dominated the platform—poking, in all its glory, was the consummate method to get your friends’ attention. The feature came with the platform’s launch in 2004. I’m not sure how popular it was in the first few years of Facebook as I was but an infant, and I didn’t really discover it until 2014, but let us not get caught up with the technicalities.
Unfortunately, its fame was short-lived. I did not want to stop, but I had no choice because those people I called friends—those I considered family—no longer poked me back. UGH. #fake
People think poking is as easy as reducing the price of rice to P20 per kilogram. Let me tell you straight: it is not. It is not for the faint-hearted. Effortless it may seem to click a button, the dexterity it takes to execute the perfect poke requires commitment. Due to its laborious nature, the job requires much passion and dedication, something I’ve been able to see a lot from our president, especially when he flew to witness Coldplay.
My journey into the world of poking started the moment I discovered it (well, technically, it was my friend who discovered it and she just told me about it, but it doesn’t really matter who first found out about it, in my opinion. I believe what matters most is who’s better at it—me). The thrill of clicking that poke button, the anticipation of waiting for a response—there is nothing quite as satisfying like it. It’s an adrenaline rush like no other.
Now that I’ve explained what poking is and its history, allow me to revise it. KIDDING. I want us to reflect on what we learned and think of ways we can utilize such an incredible skill. I personally think poking should totally become a job—a real one—with good pay along with all the benefits (SSS, PhilHealth, Pag-IBIG, etc.). I mean, come on, the amount of effort it takes to poke someone back and forth deserves recognition. I know you can literally do this on your bed, but I mean if white-collar jobs already get paid more than blue-collar jobs, I don’t see why this should be an issue.
I know what you’re thinking… “Wow! That’s a brilliant idea! Why didn’t I think of that?” That’s okay, don’t feel bad. Having a mind like mine with all these genius ideas is really rare. I am practically bursting with creativity. Imee Marcos’ Princeton degree could never. Bawi nalang po kayo sa next life.
Anyway, going back, I really think with the amount of work a poker does, they should get paid for it. Poking can help people in so many ways and it can benefit both the consumers and employers. Need someone to kill time with? Hire a Marcos. But if they’re too busy stealing…people’s hearts, then a poker has your back!
You can also hire them to poke you to make you stay off Facebook. You can even hire them to poke you to remind you of your homeworks. The possibilities are endless!
Why utilize the free options for doing these tasks when you can hire someone to do it? In the grand scheme of things, not only are you getting the job done but you’re also decreasing the country’s unemployment rate, helping millions of Filipinos who are struggling to get a job in this economy. Cause if not us, who will? (Definitely not the government.)
However, while I do believe everyone should be given the opportunity to become a professional poker, I don’t think just anyone should be hired for such a crucial position. With that, I would also like to propose that we set a high standard for pokers, higher than the ones we set for the people we vote into office.
Like I said, poking is not easy, but it is not impossible to master it either. So don’t give up and let anyone tell you that you can’t and will never be a poker.
Yes, it’s not easy, but with a bit of practice, maybe you can be half as good as I am.
This article was published in The LaSallian‘s Spoof 2024 issue. To read more, visit bit.ly/TLSSpoof2024.