Spilling soon: Keme dep’ts stir up new course TEATIME

Brewed to purrfection and good with confection, DLSU’s new TEATIME elective is served and ready for sipping.

Following the high rates of registration and palpitation in the coffee science elective, the Department of Kemestry and Department of Kemenication (Keme) is set to launch the Art and Science of Spilling Tea (TEATIME) elective starting Term 3 of Academic Year 2023-2024. 

The fresh and piping hot elective is designed to introduce the theory—and more importantly, the practice—of serving the tea to facilitate sensational, rapid, and ethical information dissemination among the Lasallian community.

What’s the tea?

The Keme departments highlighted on the position paper for the elective that the program will catch up with the prominence of gossip culture through modules such as feasting on drama accounts’ latest scoop, unleashing controversial blind items to filth, throwing some shade, and leaving no crumbs when eating another shady person up.

By the end of the TEATIME course, Lasallians are expected to develop their approach to communication by enhancing their subtlety techniques for optimum shadiness, intuitive senses for catching gossip quickly, and tea party etiquette for a more professional and ethical tea-spilling experience. Additionally, the course will explore the molecular interactions and overreactions in the art of making tea.

The elective is also a supposed nod to queer culture and queer icons such as The Lady Chablis, one of the first few who used the term. The departments say that their prime goal is to empower the campus LGBTQ+ community, but they are “glad to slap those non-progressive homophobes in the face, too.” 

To qualify for the TEATIME course, the student must have a Cumulative Grade Point Average of at least 2.5 and pass the evaluation process, which includes assessments on instigating drama, formulating gossip, and interpreting nonverbal expressions. As for costs, the three-unit course comes with a tuition fee of P10,000 across the board and laboratory expenses of P8,888.

Spill the tea, sis! Lasallians are set to go sip all that Kemestry and Kemenication talent with new elective, TEATIME!

Behind the brew

Department of Kemestry AssociATE Dean Dr. Cristea Fermean, who also pioneered the elective, shared that TEATIME was inspired by her experiences as a controversial show business barista and how she wanted to take more steps toward being a more ethical tea-stirrer.

\“We will train Lasallians to gain fame and not to defame. Defamation? I don’t even know her,” Fermean exclaims, referencing a past case against Hannibal Rama and Eddy Guccirez.

Fermean also shared that she personally donated state-of-the-art facilities and equipment such as shade blockers, tea o’clock timers, and rumor radars to convince the administration to push through with the initiative.

Boil Abrewnda, a visiting professor from the Servington Institute of Spillogy in the United Kingdom, shares that they would select top learners to participate in an episode of Talk Dir-tea with Boil Abrewnda, the country’s highest-rating talk show, by the end of the term.

“The elective is sweet like s— …chocolates! I believe this is a great chance for the students to snatch some wigs and gag the nation through some expert-approved shade,” Abrewnda says.

Aside from up-and-close experiences with industry experts, TEATIME will also collaborate with the coffee science faculty to spearhead a termly inter-program roast. “It’s going to be interesting to know whether the coffee science students are innately better roasters or if TEATIME clocks the tea,” discloses Abrewnda.

Spill it all out

Several Lasallians are ready to sit down and have a sip of TEATIME. Among those is Min Tee (II, AB-CAM), who registered for the elective a few seconds after it was launched. “I’m a Lasallian, of course I’m excited for TEATIME! As a chronically online person, the course’s objectives align with my interest,” he expresses.

Tee adds that the initiative is an extension of what they are already doing, as some of their professors offer “tea spilling” on social media as a fourth-hour activity. 

Camo Miles (III, BS-MGT) echoes such an affirmative reaction, saying it is an “interesting” initiative. “I spend most of my time on TikTok and other social media platforms because I really like being updated on the latest news. It might be fun enrolling in a course dedicated to it, right?” Miles explains.

However, other students also raised concerns about the elective, such as the possible spread of disinformation in the guise of “tea.”

Jasmine* (II, AB-CAM) posits, “We saw what our president, The Lady Chabu, did during the elections. I’m kind of worried about na baka maging counterproductive and maging way lang siya to spread fake news further, especially sa social media.”

(it might become counterproductive and be used as a way…)

But, the Keme departments assure the Lasallian community that the elective will be solely for educational purposes. “The world is a bunch of shady people, but the so-called ‘chismosa community’ is here to clean its image and prove all of them wrong. Haters gonna hate, and that is the tea,” Fermean comments on the issues.

*Names with asterisks (*) are pseudonyms

This article was published in The LaSallian‘s Spoof 2024 issue. To read more, visit bit.ly/TLSSpoof2024.