Since the tragic split of SaBong’s four-year relationship in 2024, the famed ex-pairing was nowhere to be seen within a 69-kilometer radius of each other. President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. and Vice President Sara Duterte have shown the public that their lovers’ quarrel continues to affect them years later.
Absolute divorce was allowed during the American Colonial Period. However, when the Family Code was updated in 1987, absolute divorce was the only form of separation prohibited.
On a TikTok Live, Marcos shocked the nation by announcing that he had actually signed a divorce bill, with support from both the Marcos and Duterte camps, while reviewing his hometown’s famous empanada. Several lawmakers, such as Bong Gobunda and Rock Hard dela Rosa, have expressed their dismay but ultimately swallowed it, as always, for the interests of their supreme leader.
Tough luck
The news of their divorce quickly reached the Senators and then the House of Representatives. Marcos Jr. initially hesitated to publicize the matter, instead choosing to quietly watch as the senators and congressmen tried to finalize the divorce bill as quickly as possible. After some time, the president became more open about the separation, constantly airing the dirty laundry of their past relationship to the public.
“Kinailangan natin magkaroon ng divorce law kasi I realized that there are cases where spouses separate for the betterment of the husband and wife,” Marcos remarked reluctantly.
(We needed to have a divorce law because…)
According to questionable sources, Marcos blamed the split on Sara. “Sinusubukan kong magbago bilang isang tao, pero I know what she’s doing and it’s wrong, mas lalo akong nagiging masamang tao.”
(I’m trying to change as a person, but… it’s making me a worse person.)
“…I wanted to leave her a month after she had illegal charges because it was so hard to accept, pero ‘di ko maisip na iwanan lang siya nang ganon,” Marcos added, his tone wavering as he talked about his side.
(…I couldn’t bring myself to think of leaving her like that)
I like my men all incompetent
A little birdie told The LuhSallian that Duterte regrets her lavender marriage with the president, revealing that it was merely a “ballot-box love story” staged to bolster their 2022 tandem. “Patawad kung tinulungan kong mahalal si BBM bilang pangulo ng ating bansa,” her voice trembling as she shared. “Ngunit humihingi rin ako ng tawad kung hindi ko napigilan ang aking sarili na mahalin siya,” she added.
(Sorry if I helped BBM get elected as the president of our country.) (But I also ask for forgiveness if I couldn’t stop myself from loving him.)
Senator So Wa Pang, infamously known as Ay-mhie Marcos, remarks that the split signifies the end of what she called a “marriage made in hell,” which was more like a whirlwind romance designed to smoke through P612.5 million in just 18 months on top-secret romantic dates at The Hague.
An insider from the senators’ Telegram group chat revealed that the ex-couple’s “irreconcilable differences” boiled down to fights over lavish spending—from high-end real estate and luxury cars to an oddly high number of dogs neither would give up. Elsewhere, this might justify a clean split, but in the Philippines, it simply fuels the never-ending debate on divorce.
While the dissolution of the marriage is underway, one question lingers: who gets custody of the confidential funds, the presidential dogs, and whatever remains of the ever-mysterious assets—and more importantly, who gets to decide what “confidential” still means once the love is gone?
Duterte’s tearful confessions did not just create headlines; they became required viewing in the halls of Congress. Lawmakers, whether genuinely moved or just mildly entertained, suddenly found themselves united by a rare sense of urgency: pass the divorce bill.
“We’ve never been this productive over someone else’s love life,” Gobunda abruptly said, noting how even their usually nonchalant WhatsApp and Viber threads had devolved from heated debates to complete with unsolicited relationship advice and the occasional, “That’s a red flag, beh.”
Into the unknown
As the country moves toward the 2028 National Elections, which Sara has set her sights on, she wonders how her lack of opinion on the matter will directly affect her ability to bribe voters in the future. Despite this, the shadow of her past with Marcos still lingers. “Sana, hindi ako mumultuhin nito tulad ng pagmumulto sa ‘kin ng damdamin ko, because there are bigger things for me to worry about, like my future presidency. ‘Di ko naman problema ‘yang divorce bill,” Duterte reflected.
(I hope that this won’t haunt me like how my feelings have haunted me…That divorce bill isn’t my problem.)
She admits that on some days, she looks back fondly on her romance, only to recall the events leading up to their breakup disdainfully. “I thought we had it all. Pero ngayon, ayaw ko na siyang makita.”
(But now, I don’t want to see him anymore.)
As the divorce law is still relatively new, Marcos ponders its effects on the country’s marriage landscape as he mourns his relationship. He told The LuhSallian, “I wanted what was best for us. Hopefully, this will also be somewhat the best solution for our fellow Filipinos, though after trying to work out their problems themselves first.”
With her bet for the presidency on the line, the tides may turn depending on how Duterte continues to act toward her divorce from Marcos. Analysts say that this may go one of two ways—either more voters will scope candidates who bring less of their theatrics into politics, or they will continue to enjoy the show if Sara takes the lead in the country.
However, one thing remains certain: the divorce law is to stay, just like how SaBong’s failed relationship is to stay in the past.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This work is part of The LaSallian’s annual spoof articles, which use satire to examine current events, issues, and culture. While it embraces humor, most articles still aim to inform and foster critical thinking.
Read all articles at spoof.thelasallian.com.